Once again a useless guy

I didnt know what I was doing. I juz prepare the bread at 6am, take the antacid. Go down stairs, buy vitagen. I didnt know what to do. My mind was so tired. I cannot even open my eyes already. But I know I had to do this. This was what kept me going. Take 187, dare not slp, scared miss stop. Than finally got down.
Then a red car knocked me down. Luckily it was not very fast. But I cannot think. I only want to deliver the breakfast to her house. Also luckily the breakfast was still intact, and not flatten. got cut and bruises. Yeah, blood. But who cares. I wish the car would juz knocked me down and I go and die, than I would not need to suffer so much pain. I walk up blurred and still shocked from the impact. I walk up the all too familiar life and walk way. So many memories. I cried and cried and scared that people would see a crazy guy crying. I saw her blinds still covered. The fan stirring. She muz be sleeping. I feel so tempted to just shout her name. And tell her that I will not give her up no matter what. But all talk is no use. i need to show her that she really means alot to me. I will get knocked down a million times, just to see her smile. I left the b.f on her door.

I ask myself is it worth it. Then i remember her smile, than i said yes. i continued crying on the porch until i tink is time to leave.