I just cut new hair and dyed my hair. Haha.

Let me see on 28th Dec, we went to City Square. we ate alot of nonsense la. I cut my hair, than they go shopping.....

Cannot find melody bedsheet, cause I rem she say she wanted it. Xian look at so many place also cannot find. Sarah ask me: " Y r u even bothering?" . I just shrugged it off. Actually I dun know also.

Hiromi told me say she bought me a magnetic earstuds. So i need to get her something. So I bought a monkey which can shake. Cost RM8.90. Than I found this key chain which is an "Angel's Egg", than I tink buy for angel suan le. than just buy.


回憶的聲音 播在眼裡
像是一首旋律 多麼美麗
那時我很肯定 你是我唯一
眨個眼我們就各分東西

再說我愛你 淚把心佔據
卻有些甜蜜 誰傷心被允許

說過的話語 做過的事情
像歌曲 陪我每個冬季
紀念著我和你相愛這主題

時間早已忘記 分手時候的無情
你給的美好回憶 讓我有懷念的勇氣

This i beautiful........

It is human nature to look to the past, to the road we have traveled, to what has so far defined us...but only by leaving our past behind can we then push forward. Into an unknown tomorrow. Into the dawn of a new future. Into the light of a new beginning.

Super duper sad....

My cap is 3.37 after S/U. So much for studying hard.
Its blow after blow after blow..... Its a big blow to me...

i am super disappointed. Y does it have to be like this?
After I mug so hard. Stupid econs and bio molecules. Such a let down.
B and B-, not even a B+. Shit fuck.

its like the most depressing thing after the breakup.
I start to doubt myself. Do I really suck.
I am not good in anything. Except talking crap. and counting money.

I am seriously shitted to the core.

Sarah's problem......

Went out with Sarah and Huilian.
Watch Mr Mangoriums wonderful emporium.....

I think sarah was very sad when she watch the movie cause she was not laughing....
Haiz....
Than later eat ajisen ramen... As usual I ate ton-toro ramen the one with lots of ham...
Ramen taste good, but really queue for a long time.....
Than she went shopping.... AS usual she was having retail therapy, which I so think is not working anyway.

Than we went to starbucks to have a drink....
And plus sarah wants to like talk about her problems....

The whole story goes like tat, she broke up with the guy like 6 months ago....
Apparently the guy is back and they meet in church like almost every week.
Than she will feel very sad and cry because she still miss and loves the guy....

Told her to let go, but she say she can't.....
Actually me too... But i nv say.....
I am such a hypocrite, I am such a loser that I should not have advise her in the 1st place.....
She said that how can he get over her in 5 weeks while she still hasnt. Speak for myself, mine was even in a relationship when i was so in the dark... But doesnt matter. At least Sarah has 5 weeks... I dun even have 1 day.... that is so damn sad, i really felt like crying... but heck, i'm a guy.... At least not in public.

Well, most ppl would chose to avoid reality and i chose to face them, like now i face the fact that she left and is with another guy now.. Its not easy, considering the festive season.... things get depressing here and there.... But I really love her, no matter what she has done, no matter who she is, no matter how she changes. And I honestly still havent let go completely... This can be seen from the fact that I will always be a small kid in front of her cause tats how it use to be.... I cant get rid of that habit till now.... Guess tats y she's so special.... SOmetimes , things tat u took for granted are actully very impt till u lose them... If I can turn back time, will I still hold her hand when she approach me? I guess I will, even if I know the ending will be like tat.. Cause I never regretted. I guess you regretting makes me sad....

You know she can be looking at this post but will it change anything? Definitely not, cause I am not in her heart anymore. Someone has replaced me. But that doesnt stop me from feeling sad and truthful about my feelings....

Sometimes I may not show my emotions or show care and concern openly, tat doesnt mean that I neglected you. Sometimes the best concern is silent concern. Like the time she said that she has to pay $8000 over dollars to NAPHA, when I hear her cry, i was so worried that I could not slp and I was like if I had the money I would definitely help her out.... Than I tot of borrowing money from my parents, should be quite hard, but I had to do something as her bf. BUt all these were resolved by morning......... thankfully....

But it doesnt matter anyway... i was just fa lao sao......

I just want to let you know, I still love you up to this very moment.
I dont know what to expect but I just hope tat one day, just maybe one day we will be together.

你是眼里的音乐 最动心的歌
你播着 全世界突然亮了

多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸
这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远

在陌生的街 天让我们遇见
像迷路的人找到回家的路线

你的美丽我要珍惜 昨天会忘记
是谁遗失了你 我愿陪着你找回自已

当你姓名化作旋律在我脑海里
我已确定 那个人就是你
窝在我心里最动听的Melody






I have been playing this song for like 1000 times and it is not a sad song for me.
Its like a hope. I just want to be by your side, no matter even has a friend only, i also have no regrets.....

Oh Dear, So many things to do.......

Let me see today is the 18^th Of Dec, exactly 1 more week to Christmas, and I am alone this year as usual. But never mind, I have been a good guy this year, hopefully Santa would give something nice for Christmas. Well…… maybe for a few times I was bad, lied a few times. But no harm done, okay I admit I don’t deserve a Christmas present, but hey I need a Cheer up session ok.

I am on the car travelling to KL now. With me and my parents, my siblings did not come cause they have their own activities to do. Haiz… Except me…… I shd stop listening to Jay’s Zui Man Chang de Dian Ying…. But its so nice……. It like totally describes what I am feeling now to the 99%. So nice. Muz learn how to Sing and play at the same time…..

Choon Kiat SMS me: you got but present for Glenn?

Me: Haha.I haven kinck his ass yet, he tell the girls that I am gg and he never tell me.

CK: Me too, I can see where is he coming from. Leave the other side of the ass for me.

CCB that Glenn, haha, I know he wasn’t that intentional. I am sure he would not do something as despicable as that. Or is he?

He SMS huilian and sarah that I got go to his b’day party, and he never tell me. I suppose he thinks I am suppose to go…… haiyz….. Anyway not gg le……

Photoshop progress is slow….. I only manage to crop it. Filter it. Focus on the object of interest. Make it brighter….. Eh, nothing much yet……. Xian….. don’t know what to do…. The effect not as wat I wanted……

The search for earring rack is even worse…. Don’t know where to start….. I have been delaying for dun know how long…..

Hall Stuff….. Kaoz…. 1 cheque, I a/c to be close, $$ to be handed to respective ppl. Xian…….

Need to talk to denise to talk about the web design business..

Need to talk to Ashley of Music Junction to discuss the possibility of a web for them…

Need to stop playing neo pet… Its useless…..

Haha. the above photo is I photo shop one I know not very nice la

but hey its a start..... :) More to come

one day..............

No matter what I tell myself, I am bluffing everybody except myself.

I have let go who am I kidding, myself? Sadness is tearing me apart.

I can’t stand living like that, it is painful and tiring.

Cause I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to do.

Without you, my life seems so incomplete.

I have never told you how beautiful your eyes are.

They look straight through the depths of my heart, like a beacon in a lightning storm.

It soothes me, it heals me, no matter how tired my minds is.

You will light up my day even in a thunder storm.

So please come back to me, I swear I will not repeat the same mistake.

My minds is in a swirl right now.

I will never give you up.

Cause If I do, I will regret.

But I must overcome myself 1^st.

I must look for a new me. A new identity.

The ‘old’ weelee is of no more.

I will be faster, Stronger, sensitive, smarter.

It may take me weeks, months, years, but I hope by the time,

It’s not too late………

Wait for me my Melody……………..

from Now on..........

Okay, for the last time.........
NO more melody.
No more.
And I mean it.

No more tears,
no more pain,
No more anger.

no more.....
The past has pass, just let it go weelee.
No point holding on.
There is a even more prettier girl and wonderful life.
Dont look back.
Walk bravely, go ahead, god will be with u, he will be there for u, no matter how hard is it.
U just need to believe that you can pull thru, cause god can only help you if u help yourself.
So release the anger, release the hatred, take a deep breath, relax your mind. Think of happy things, like your friends, Sarah, huilian Hazel, u ppl spend happy times watching movies, talking nonsense, chilling in my room. Think of how the 1st time u hug her, how u met her, all the happy memories, cherish them, these are love. They are not to be forgotten, but to remind you that
love still exist...............


Dont hate, Love.

Fuck man..............

Y do I even bother!
After today, I even hate u more........
More than ever........
I feel like tearing u apart.........
I feel like beating who ever is he apart.
I wont be happy until I see you be sad or cry.
Y do u need to mention him?
U know how it breaks my heart.

Fuck.
I am so full of hatred, and anger.

Tell me god, please help me, I dont wan to be in this deep dark hole.

Stop tormenting me u bitch, u slut, u fucker, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dun even know why I even watch movie with u.
U can still laugh at me and say I dumb enuf to pei u watch movie.
Plus I am not your bf, y shd I pay for your movie tickets?
Get him to pay for you.
I hate myself
I hate you.
i hate him.

Y do u bring me back to see your parents?
Celebrate your parents birthday...............
Y do u even have sex with me?
Y u bluff me into so many things?

U know u will go to hell for this.

Someone has to pay.............



U pray hard that I will not see him in the future.
Cause i will make him pay, he will cry so loud until he wish he has never been born.
AND you will suffer the consequence of seeing him in pain.
And oh, I muz let u see him in pain 1st. B4 killing him slowly.
Oh... Imagine the look of your face when I peel the skin of is pace piece by piece with a jack knife.

New year is comming 2008............

Y do i keep telling myself that every year will be better............

cause each year will be as suckier as ever.

each year will be more depressing.

i had a wonderful and terrible year. (AGAIN)

like last year.

This is getting depressing.

My life is a like a emotional roller coaster ride.

I promise my self I will not be emo last year.

I broke tat.

I have to think of NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS THAT I CAN KEEP AND NOT BREAK.

I have tot of 2 actually.

1) Try and persuade dennis to open the web and advert company.
2) Make more $$ thru selling my new product.

Hols

Hols has started, 1month......
My mom is nagging me to find work
very lazy leh...........
haiya xian, no gf is like tat.Everything also cannot do.

this week very busy.
last week went out to bugis. Bught nothing
this week
meet long time friends.
Go angels party.

should keep myself super busy than i won't hu si luan xiang.
I must keep telling myself.
Stronger. Faster. Better.

Something interesting...............

Salvaging A Lost Cause
Is there any hope of reconciliation?
by Bob Narindra!

You are on the verge of breaking up, but you know you both still really love each other. While there is not much hope left of salvaging the relationship, you sometimes find yourself thinking about how much you would like to start again. The trouble is you have no idea how to start, or even if it is possible.

If the above scenario sounds familiar, then how did it go so wrong? By now you know that there is a lot of resentment between you, but how did you both let it get so far? Everyone makes mistakes and has done things that they regret. The problem is that once you start making mistakes and doing things wrong, the natural inclination is to cover your tracks.

Dishonesty and lies lead to feelings of guilt and resentment. Feelings of guilt and resentment lead to more lies and arguments. Once you start to get sucked in, this vicious circle kicks in and the lies and arguments start to build on each other. Pretty soon you start justifying your actions. How? By blaming your partner: they don't understand you, they are too snippy and argumentative, and they don't love you anymore. When this happens on both sides of the relationship, you are on a fast track to a breakup or divorce.

In order to turn this around, it is going to take a lot of soul-searching and communication. You have to rebuild the trust between the two of you and let your partner know without a doubt that you love them and are willing to take responsibility for your actions. Even if the relationship cannot be completely salvaged, you will at least make the breakup easier on both of you.

The first thing to do is to realize that there was a time when you really loved each other. Think back to how you felt when you first met or first realized that you had romantic feelings for your partner. Try to go back and actually re-experience those feelings. How your heart skipped a beat whenever you saw them or even thought of them. Think of some of the really good times you had together, when you were happy. Realize that at one stage there really was something special between the two of you and it is at least worth trying to salvage the relationship.

Next, really take a look at all the things you did wrong. Don't fall into the trap of blaming your partner for everything, you played a big part in it too, and at this stage you really need to concentrate only on your actions. It would be a great idea to get a sheet of paper and right everything down. The point of this excercise is to release some of the guilt and resentment you feel towards your partner. In order for it to work, you have to come clean - at least to yourself!

Thirdly, write a letter to your love. Explain to them that you are really sorry about the way things turned out and that you realize that you have had a huge part to play in the fact that the relationship turned sour. Talk about how you felt when you first fell in love and remind them of all the great things that have happened to you while you have been together. In order for them to trust your sincerity, however, you are probably going to have to tell them some of the things you have done that you are ashamed of. The important thing is to take responsibility for your actions, let your partner know how how you feel about them and make sure you tell them that you would really like the chance to make it up to them. Invite them on a special date, for just the two of you, so you can sit down together and clear the air, and at the very least, part as friends.

Once you have completed the above, it is really up to the two of you to sit down and discuss things to see if you have a future together. Don't try to rush things, as trust can take time to build again. But, if you at least come clean about how you feel and make an appeal to your partner's heart, you have a better chance of making it than if you didn't.

I finally understand

昨 天出去了一天，我终于相通了。
你是为了寻找幸福才离开我。
I finally understand why u leave me.
cause you found a better choice.
I went around walking around town yesterday, i saw a lot of couples walking on the street. Loving dovey, especially in the cinema, after watching enchanted.
I think, why some people can stay so long with each other while some like me and you can't.
The answer is because some chose to believe that the other half is the one for them, like me.
And some chose to believe that the they are still searching for the other half.
Of course its not your fault that you belong to Cat 2 and I belong in Cat 1. Its nobody fault.
I put myself in your shoes, what if some pretty kind girl would come along and tell me that she likes me. Would I just ditch you and be with her? Of course, I should have known from your point of view is you would, any rational person would do that. everyone is selfish, they would always want the best for themseleves. Including me also.
But sometimes, as they say love is blind. I can ignore the whole world and still think you are the prettiest girl on the whole planet. I guess you are not in love with me also which result in such a grave error. Its all my wishful thinking. I guess initially pushing all the blame for the failure was bad of me also, cause its easier to hate you for all the things you have done to me than to understand why you do it.

BUT that doesnt mean i approve or forgive you for doing this to me. I still hate you for tearing up my heart but I dun hate you that much tats all. Wat you have done to me will not heal with time. It will only dilute it, but the pain will always be there, so next time if you see me on the streets please dont call out to me or come and acknowledge me, cause you will hurt me again.
I still think of you every day, just lesser and lesser I hope.
Its not that I dont want to be friends with you just that that you will always be hurting me if I continue to be friends with you. I am not so generous, I am sorry that I am selfish, but please understand.






-in the process of letting you go-

I can't let go.............

I am being in a super emo mood since yesterday.
WTH..........

I kept thinking why i cannot let go.

1) I love you too much.
2) I cannot think of any bloody reason that I did wrong to deserve such a cruel ending.
3) As long as you are present in any part of my life, I CANNOT move on. Being whether sms, MSN or watever.
4) I am not so generous as to say, if you find happiness in others and i will let you go. MEANS YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH ME before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leading to point 2) That I did not do any dui bu qi you the thing. This list can drag on and on...........

I put myself in your shoes.

Wat reasons do you have for leaving me.

1) Gan Jue bu zai...... Is tat even consider a reason. Anything will fade with time. Gan jue is only temporarily. How do we maintain is another question. Obviously either I have not been doing my job or you dun love me at all in the 1st place.

YOU PLAYED ME LIKE A TOY. PLAY XIAN ALREADY THAN THROW AWAY.

2) Obviously, you dun love me at all. Judging from the way that another person can just EASILY charm you away with gan jue and you totally forget that you have a bf and you are suppose to be faithful to him....

3) Obviously you dun love me also by the way that you DONT feel SAD at all. YOU CAN JUST TREAT AS IF NOTHING HAPPEN, tat goes to show one thing, u dun love me at all.


CONCLUSION:
You dun love me at all in the 1st place. You never love me and never will.
I am just a piece of shit to you. Still best friend?










WHY AM I STILL DWELLING ON THIS, MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!