kool...

I wore my purple tee today. I thought I look quite good in it. Apparently my own good taste was shared by many others also... there's this girl whom theodric thinks is quite cute.. apparently she was laughing at me.... theodric is one of the guys I know at work....

I think she has a thing for me.. I think many people have a thing for me. Hahah! :)


u seem so far away.....

1st day of work...

2day was ok.. Not really good, but not really bad either. Its just boring. Maybe I need to do retail to keep myself afresh. I am i a rebellious period cause I disagree everything what my father thinks. His is on the defensive side, while mine is on the offensive side and rather aggresive cause I think you must be live for the moment than you will get a better return. So I think I must be a bachelor for the next 10 years.

Prior to what I said about letting go. I guess I was cheating myself. I really dont know.....


I wish I can, but i really can't.....

Morning...

Morning everyone, or whoever is reading. A bright start to a bright day. My my, I'm healing with each passing day. I do not feel sucky, I do not feel lousy. I feel like finally I'm once again the person who i used to be in secondary. Things go past very fast, u must grab the opprtunity fast and hopefully I would. I am really contemplating to studying in australia. it would be a good move. I dont mind loaning. See how everything goes 1st lar.

Anyway, thank you, for everything, you have been a great person. I have been a jerk. But I think its time to let go, cause there is no point holding on to it. I will always remember you as the stupid girl who came across my path. And I really hope that 1 day, you will find out that at that moment , I really cared, I swear I do, and every word of it. And just that I made a fool of myself and wham there goes everything. I hope you would find the one. And may god bless you. I'm letting go.....

Please forgive me....

So da ne! I see Shirleen...

Guess what today, I met Shirleen today. OMG! This is so funny after 6 freaking years! It just seems things just passed by yesterday. Initially I just went to the bank , as I walked out of the MPH I saw her, I mean, I didnt know it was her. She just look familiar. Than I just walk past her, than when I reach the bank, I realised that, if it was indeed her, than isnt it stupid of me to walk past w/o knowing. Just couldnt let the chance pass. So I U-turn and went to look for her. IT WAS FREAKING HER! Man, she recognised me but I couldnt recognised her. Maybe she was too grown up or something. We went and had lunch at Banquet! So exciting, I mean after 6 years, I still cant believe it that the world is so small. You know we talk about alot of things, blah blah.... It was very nice and sweet to hear from someone you know so well and you lost contact and later hear from them again. Its just... NICE! I hope to meet more people! Thank you god for letting me meet all these people. The knot in my heart has finally been realesed except for the one which is still quite tied. But still I still cant believe it man!

Today was my ;ast day at MJ I'm so happy cause I know that the shop is in a mess so Its lucky I got out b4 stock check. But I still feel sad at the same time cause I have grown attached to the shop.

I passed the card to shawn liao, I hope she accept it or else I really dont know what to do. I would be devastasted, I think.

Vivo....

Went to Vivo with sany. That bitch woke up at 4! I said 2. Can you believed it! Than in the end we have to take cab there. Cost me 10 bucks! Than we walk around. It was huge but I think it lacks substance, its what every shopping mall offers, nothing fantastic really! Maybe I would have to think twice about going there next time. I bought a bag! Cost me a bomb. $89! mymy!

Here are some pics.

Spe-show!

Show luo just realeased his much awaited album. His hit song " Jing Wu men" is a typical Show luo styled song which infuses hip hop and pop that will get everyone grooving to their feet. Next is his 1st attempt at English! "Twinkle" Feat Kumi Koda, impressive for someone who doesnt understand wtf he is saying....

On another matter, today me , sharon and lilly went for dinner. WTF, lilly is 19 years old! 1 year younger than me! I tot she was like a few years older than me! I am really old! Fuck man! Ya but than again, honestly I look quite young. Babyface shall be my nick name! She's quite cute, ya lor. She thinks I am cute too! haha! I have a date with her this wednesday, nothing much. ( yes weelee, its just a meal ONLY, it means nothing!) Juz to remind myself! :) Oh and she's a Malaysian. I seem to have as the chinese said " peach flower luck" since I came out of NS. Must keep it up! haha!

I decided that I shall keep my hair like Show luo/s one, his is so COOL! Classy! Yesh! Thats my aim. Tommorow I have a date with Sany, we are going Vivo city! Dont know whats there! So go see see. Cant wait to see sany. Haha! I think we can be considered best friends or else very good friends! He's a funny fellow!

I cant stop discussing this.Now back to my emo side. I am scared of liking anybody now, because I scared of being hurt. Maybe I'm too emo, tats why I hurt more than anyone else. Sam was a bad experience sometimes I wonder what was going on in that moment. I was so sure she was the one! Whether was she being too nice, I do not know, but I know that I like her very much and its not because she likes me or something because I like her for who she is. So ultimately, I paid the price for my dumbness. What have I learnt from this experience? Just let nature take its course. Being overly agrresive might spoil the whole thing and you would have to pay the price. Some girls like it fast, some like it slow. (Not what you are thinking you perv! ). But i still cant figure out whether did she like me or not. Not that it matters right now....


Who says you cant love,
when you are already in one.
Why push it away, when it comes near,
only to regret when it dissapears.
I am only human, to err is the norm,
so what if I let you down,
dont I deserve a 2nd chance.

dont come calling to me,
when my hearts down,
I will always rem the way,
that you treated me like that.
Though my hearts open to you.
My mind finds it hard.
So pray that this day will never come.
Cause my heart will be stone.



:)

Spring Cleaning...

I had a busy day today, SPRING CLEANING... Ya, the thing I hated most! Need to do a lot of stuff and it sucks. But I uncover quite a few things.

A bookmark given to me by my HCL in secondary, my sec 1 and sec 2 report cards with photos of myself. OhI am SO CUTE! and my rare magic cards which I am going to ask Terrence to sell for me. I rearrange my CD's and WTF I have alot of freaking CDs, muz stop buying already. Ya, that is provided that I am dead. haha. Than class photos of my secondary school. Sobs... Bring back memories.....




You pushed me away......

Still....

It was tiring being a supervisor, and sucks more if you have people who know nuts about music and not that I blame them. Maybe its jus not in their culture. At least Zhiwei and Jiewen are willing to learn. so the whole thing does't really sound so bad anyway. Talk with angie 2 days back, than I know she just broke up with her Bf, cause of another girl. Why do things have to end this way? why cant everybody be happy. :(

I have been listening to this song by frankie J "Still", I mean it is a very beautiful and sad song. It describes this guy who receives a phone call from his Ex 2 years later, and she confesses to him that she still loves and miss him and can't let him go. The guy also confesses that he still loves and want her. But he also remembers that he has a girlfriend who was pregnant and he has to let her go, no matter how unwilling and painful it was.

One of the lyrics went like that : "....this conversation cant go on no more, I got to let you go, cuz if I dont, I feel that I might love you , now I'm just doing fine with my girl....." , I could practically feel tha the guy was torn inside out.

I feel that the most painful was for the guy. All along he still love the girl, but sometimes God is just jealous (no offence, dude). They should not have ended this way. It's already so hard to find a person whom you want to spend your life with and its even harder to know that shes the one there, and you cant speak, touch her. This sucks.

I like to intepret songs, though some people say songs are just songs.

sometimes I whether I am doing the right thing. By just remaining silent, not doing anything. I see you online, I have your phone number, I have the longing but when I think what you have said to me, I just said forget it. I should move on. Moving on needs courage and I dont have the balls to do so and I also dont even have the balls to call you. I am just a coward. Weelee, just admit it. Ya so I am a coward. So what. I Love torturing myself. So what can you do to me.




Who will lend me courage to move on......., will you?

WEdding bells.....

Yesterday I attended my cousins wedding, she's 20! I mean OMG, I'm the same age as her. How do I even begin to explain that! Luckily I am not older than her, or else I would have to sit on the chair and receive tea from them. You know the tradditional chinese way of receiving blessings from your elders. Ya and at the end of the wedding dinner I went over and congrats them shaking their hand and everything. I suddenly find myself much mature that what I tot. Cause I dont usually talk to my cousins, Ya I know I am a Qi Bai lar...

Ya than today I was in a PMSing mood.... Dont know why... I just felt, lonely, which is the usual but the feeling came on especially strong today. Than went and treat Jul and Sharon seafood platter from Fish and Co. Ya so everything went on quite normally. I wanna buy the Chocolat phone! So Classy!

I'm suddenly so tired, really damn tired. You know the kind where you would sit in the bus, stare out of the window and wondering why am I not sitting in a car cruising with a chick? And why do couples seem so irritating when they nuzzle each other. Fuck. Than you look into the mirror and you think, who is this fucking guy who keep staring at me. And the problem is that there is a 100% chance it is you, you moron. Yes u , you idiot dont turn away. Solitude is nice but companionship is even better. yes I am not afraid to say I am lonely. Thats the way it is.

I/m starting to sound like a emo, gay shit. I have alot of issues to iron out myself, literally. I just wanna listen to music all day long, they keep me alive. I feel like I am stepping into the world of the singer. Its like a singer who paints a portrait with their singing and I step into the painting. I feel a whole new world just waiting for about 4 mins. than change, another singer another portrait. Yes, thats what I feel everytime I listen to music. It doesnt matter whether the music is sucky or what, as long as I can step into the portrait, its good music.







You dont know when is the next time you will fall in love,
So for the mean time just make love to your computer....

Good old days.......

Just came back from a chill out session with Ashiq, Jamal, Ah Peng, Feroz, Faizal, Azlan, LaiYew, Hafiz. Ya the rest didnt' make it. So sad. But it was okay. We sat and 'Alazhar' and i drank like 5 teh tariks until I think I will get diabetes tommorow. Choi. It was a fun and enjoyable night. Really, its just nice to see the old crowd hanging around. Maybe 10 years down the road we will be there at the same place. Emo period! This blog is like fast becoming a place where I can pour all my emotions onto this dump. I mean isnt it good? Hmm, I would have to think about it. But Seriously life is so boring, man this isnt the life i want. Isnt what I imagine it to be. My life is currently incomplete w/o something or someone but. Still the world doesnt stop revolving.

heres a song by my favourite singer 曹格。

卸下美丽的外壳
透明的我们
还剩下什么
爱情就像水晶球
坚固而脆弱
一个人也许自由
两个人的感动
大过天空
喜怒哀乐
共同拥有
不让你寒流
BABY I STILL BELIEVE (Baby i believe)
爱可以走过暖流
静静握住双手
一秒就够(一秒钟)
不孤单寂寞
BABY I STILL BELIEVE (Baby i believe)
爱要有梦才会快乐
就算未来的路(都)不同
你在我心中到永久
感觉很闷时候
我抱你在我胸口
当你泪流时候
我在这里不走 ohh...no
爱散发的温柔
在此刻用心感受
我想和你一起 让幸福转动



Baby, I still believe........

My 2nd wish....

A continuation of my previous post. My 2nd wish will be that I will wish that there will be no more sadness in this freaking world. Everybody is happy, people wont fight, crimes will not happen. There is no poverty, no sickness. sounds like what a Ms Universe would reply.

But if there is no unhappiness, how would you know what is happy? You need light to know what is dark. One cannot exist without one another. haha! there is no good without evil. ENOUGH Boy! Okay let my 2nd wish apply to myself ONLY. I'm going to be a selfish bastard. haha.

On the side note, today, someone said I look 16 AGAIN! For the upteempth time, I AM 20! Get the point! Man, I have a baby face! Babyface should let his trademark be mine. I have 3 job interview tomorrow. I hope I get the science park one cause I really want a 8 to 5 job, so that I can lead a normal life. And the pay is high. Right now, I am working on a project, but I havent started yet. someones birthday is coming. I will ask sean to pass to her, but its just a card lar. Nothing much. and I will not be writing much inside. Just a few words, just let her know I still know that she is alive OR I am alive ya know. But thats it.

Look at JoJo. Aint she gorgeous! Her somophore album the high road is out in stores now! And the song - too little, too late is a muz hear song of her album. Her other songs are also very ear friendly. She seems to opt for a more R&B feel for her album which sounds a tad like Beyonce and danity kane, but still it suits her well cause she's GORGEOUS and CUTE!

Ideas.. ideas.. ideas...

So today, Me and Jul were toying with the idEA, of opening an online store which sells cookies, pineapple tarts and those pastries plus Sarah mother's too. I found it to be quite feasible! because the startup cost is low. And sarah is willing to design the webpage. But the problem is building a business plan. and Jul throw everything at me. I dont know why I think it is feasible , maybe because I already have everything you need to start it straight away. Maybe not.... In a months time or 2? But for now I am worried I can't get a high paying job!

Ashley ask me sincerely whether I want to convert to full time. Because if I want she would promote me to Retail Supervisor. which sounds nice but the pay doesn't reflect it. I mean I am flattered, considering I have no job experience nothing, it would look impressive on my resume. But how far would it help in my career as a research scientist, I do not know. I have to ask Dad.
But on the sidenote, I am really impressed with myself, not because I got the job but more of Ya! I am really capable, you know what I mean. Cause although I am quite confident of my abilities but I dont know the extent of it. till now, I realised that I am a very fast learner, I pick things up very quickly. I have the ability to make people see that I am good. Well thats a start, I am sure there are more in time to come. But seriously the pay is damn low! I am still considering. Man this is stressful.

On another totally different matter, here is a song for all you out there who are torn between love and carreer. (not me! :) The lyrics are really meaningful
. Have fun.



How to Deal

by Frankie J.
album: The One (2005)


Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do.
Do I live my life with you as my wife
Or do I go on and pursue my lifetime dream?
I gotta do this for me,
Cuz if I don't I'll probably regret it,
But if I do I'll probably regret it,
How do I cope?
[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it?
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career?
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do,
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad,
So how do I live...how do I deal without you?
It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me,
But you're with him cause I chose
To be in this industry,
Money, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and Fame****
Is all you see when you think about me
But this is the life that I was given,
So I have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime.......... without you?
[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it?
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career?
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do,
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad,
So how do I live...how do I deal without you?
How do you deal when you can't be with
the one you love but the one you love is
with somebody else?
(I don't know,I don't know)
What do you do when you know she don't love him
but she love me but she cant stand lovin' you faraway?
I guess i just have to deal with it
you just deal with it, deal with it,
(I dont wanna have to live with it)
you just deal with it, deal with it,
(no,no,no)
you just deal with it, deal with it,
(I dont want nobody else alovin' you)
you just deal with it, deal with it,
(I dont nobody else alovin' me)
[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it?
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career?
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do,
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad,
So how do I live...how do I deal without you?
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it?.....

3 wishes....

Lets see, if god can grant me 3 wishes, what would I wish for.

I would wish that I can turn back time to when I was Sec 1 living my days at A.I with my memories still intact. So I can prevent some fucking mistakes i met. Like telling pauline I like her. Cause I really dont like her( infactuation) what an embarresment! Joining air rifle, cause its a dumb CCA! I will start beefing up. The most important thing, I should not let go of Shir, I would treasure her and not treat her like some disease or something. Sorry Shirleen. speaking of which, if I have a choice. I would still chose Shirleen over Wenyan. Sorry Wenyan. Shit I gotta stop saying sorry. Than I gotta stop all my skirt chasing ways during sec 3, and of course study much harder and get into RJ or something. I'm sorry for all my stupid things that I have done in A.I, please forgive me.

Lets progress to JC, I wish i wasn't infatuated with Yvonne. I wish I didnt join harmonica. I wish I had join basketball. I wish I had taken care to groom myself. I wish I have met joan earlier! Cause she;s so cute. I wish I had made may friends. I wish Hadnt screwed up my maths.

than if all that didnt happen. the most I needed was go back to the time when i met Sam, at reddem myself of the stupid mistake that I did during the last 4 weeks. Thats the most important. yeah thats rite. cause I'm hurting like hell!

The rest of the wishes I will tell in my next few blogs.





P.S: I hope the last part of my wish will come true! God! please hear me! Is turning back 2 months back a bit too much!

Fcuked.....

Sometimes, its just so hard to get a new life. A completely new life will be a complete change of identity, a memory wipe plus a gorgeous girl by your side. This would do the trick!
How does changing your hair color ( i changed mine ash brown) helps? cause underneath all that hair and thick skull, you are still the same. U will feel the same, u talk the same, u act the same.

Seriously, i would like to look like Keanu Reeves, if thats too much Edison Chen or lee Hom would look quite good too! Haha! Hmm... maybe my new identity would be a popstar! Or a 25 year old billionaire, or just your average working guy at the office! yawnz!

There are so many things to be, but only 1 life. And I allow 1 person to fuck around with it. Man, I must be a loser. Maybe its just me you know. Some people are emotionally challenged, but me, I'm charged like a duracell rabbit. I want to give it away. Till I become a ice cold blooded guy. On 2nd thoughts.... I will give 1/2 of my emo away. At least I would suffer 50% less pain in any event of relationship crisis. Thats speaking on mathetimatical terms.... you know whats the conclusion.... " who are you kidding?" with a snigger. As much as i wanted you out of my life, you know its impossible. cause if either way u are still hating me.. means I mean something or you are still hoping for some miracle to happen. But I am dead sure that I will not be cast aside in your memories. U wanna know why? Cause I know, its written in the stars. ( Cheesy! :) )

The Sweet....

This is the sweet that I did not eat since like 1 month ago. Cause I can't bear to eat. Its the truth. I don't know, I sould have thrown it long time ago. But there it is , still sitting in my bag. Its like begging me to throw it away. BUT I can't, so dont force me. Its the only thing I have which can remind me of somethings which I do not want to forget. So although it is causing alot of heartache. I can still bear with it. For the time being.

Me and Sean had a long talk on Friday night. We talk about my problems, you know how I was coping that sort of thing. Sean said that its OK, once you go to uni, u will see girls until you are sick of them. I hope this is the truth. Or else I will be having this heartache for quite a long time.

This is the time of awakening....